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Relating With Your Partner Without Having Candles, Wine Or Lingerie!
A journalist interviewed me concerning intimacy in relationships. One of her concerns was, "What are a few of the easy ways in which lovers can bond without having candles and wine and expensive lingerie?"
Simple ways? Well, it depends on what you mean by easy!
Bonding has nothing to do with candles, wine and costly lingerie. It has to do with intention. In any given moment we're in one of two possible intents:
-The intent to have control over receiving love and avoiding pain.
-The intention to learn about being loving to ourselves and to others.
Virtually all of us have learned lots of ways of trying to have control over getting love and avoiding discomfort. We learned these protective habits when we were young children, and as adults we unconsciously continue these learned controlling behaviors, like anger, criticism, withdrawal, resistance, or submission.
For most men and women, these protective, controlling behaviors have become automatic and habitual. As soon as any fear is triggered, we automatically protect against the pain by quarrelling, blaming, attacking, evaluating, shutting down, resisting, or submitting to defeat.
Ironically, when the intent is to get love or avoid discomfort, what we create is actually a lack of love and much pain. Our intent to control brings about the very things we're trying to avoid with our controlling behavior.
If both people are open to learning, then they are going to be emotionally available to one another and can bond with a touch, a smile, or possibly a kind word. Connecting has to do with the energy between them, not with anything external like candle lights, and the energy comes from their intent.
A controlling intent creates a heavy, dark, tough, closed-hearted energy, while the open-to-learning intention creates a light, gentle, open-hearted energy.
Developing the ability to make a conscious choice concerning your intent is really a learning process. The hallmark of higher consciousness is being in a position to choose your intent each and every moment, even in the face of anxiety.
To help you get through this learning process, double your dating advice from daviddeangelo is a superb way to practice being open to others. His double-your-dating suggestions provide you with precise details on how to handle dating situations correctly.
When relationship partners are both able to reliably choose to be open to learning about loving themselves and one another, they produce a sweet and safe atmosphere for their love to flourish. Then candles, vacations, and lingerie can improve their experience with one another - the icing on the cake.
The concept is very simple, but doing it really is far from easy. Yet, devoting yourself to learning to remain open to learning in the face of fear might be by far the most fulfilling and rewarding experiences in your life!
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